Groundbreaking New Coffee Products!!

Filed in Coffee News by on April 1, 2013 8 Comments

At Rogers Family Company, we are all about new innovation mixed with old world techniques. On this bright early April day we thought we would share some of our more obscure and inventive coffee products. Many of these are in the prototype phase and/or VERY seasonal (read limited) but we thought you would enjoy getting a sneak peak at the latest and greatest.  We figure there will only be a few more round of developments before you are seeing these products in all your local grocery and warehouse stores. Stay tuned!

Coffee IV Drip Kit

Because some mornings require extreme measures. Now, the often dreamed about Coffee IV is here to get that caffeine on board quickly. Each bag is packed with 100% Arabica coffee containing essential nutrients (caffeine) and antioxidants to get you through the day! An added bonus is you can work while drinking coffee completely hands free. Bosses everywhere endorse this product!

Backpack Coffee Bean Roaster

Backpack Coffee Bean Roaster

Now you can have the freshest coffee in the office by roasting on the go. Officially rated fire suit and heat shield are included as is the backpack harness made from high tensile nomex material. Beware: natural gases will emit during roasting process — be prepared to attract a following of adoring fans wherever you go.

Giant Coffee Beans

Giant Coffee Beans

Ditch buying coffee by the bag! Our newest “grate” idea is the Giganta-bean. What did you think Jack discovered when he climbed that beanstalk, a golden egg? Nope, something much better! This 100% radiation-free coffee bean allows you to buy coffee once a year and shave off your perfect portion each morning. 100% All-Natural: no pesticides or GMOs. (Coffee mug and grater not included.)

Zebra Poop Coffee

Zebra Poop Coffee

A truly rare java delicacy! 100% Arabica coffee beans devoured and defecated by wild African zebras. This medium-roast coffee yields an exquisite and smooth mouth-feel with strips of dark chocolate and gamey notes. Not recommended for drinking while on safari in lion country.

Coffee Sack Burlap Underwear

Coffee Sack Burlap Underwear

We are all about recycling and reusing materials. This time we have turned it into a fashion statement. Stay fresh with these under garments made from 100% Coffee Burlap Sacks. A great deodorizer and guaranteed 5% chafe-free! Transport and protect your own “cherries” with these aromatic and breathable garments.

30 Gallon Coffee Mug

30 Gallon Coffee Mug

For the serious coffee drinker. Fill it once and enjoy that coffee goodness the rest of the day. The six foot straw is a nice option that allows you to sit in your chair and sip that fatigue away. Also available is the office crane for those times you need to move a full cup around or the mug jack leveling system for uneven surfaces.

Product Availability – As you probably have guessed this is an April Fools Day gag product. No actual products exists (except for in the twisted sense of humor of our design department). This is merely for our entertainment. We hope you enjoy it.




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About the Author ()

Jim Schuett is the Art and Web Director for Rogers Family Company

Comments (8)

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  1. Jim Bender says:

    I want to be sure to sign up for these up coming products. 40 packets of the IV Drip is a must for all the employees at Warren G. Bender Co. They all love coffee, and this will save thousands of dollars of wasted time going to and fro. I’ll pass on the coffee roaster as most of our employees work at desks and it would create ergonomic issues which in turn become workers’ comp problems. The bulkiness of the roaster makes it impossible for the sales staff. There would be a major issue of getting in and out of their cars plus the fire hazzard and natural gases would top the list of reasons not to buy it. I want to pre-order a 100 gift packs of the Zebra Poop to send at Cristmas time to my competition as well as some of the gate keepers of prospective clients (it’s Perfect!). If no one else has offered, I’d like to open a chain of burlap botiques. Let me know as soon as those products are on line. The 30 gallon mug with a 6′ straw has some possibilities, but I think still needs work. WOW! You guys are always thinking of better ways to do things. Keep up the good work, and Happy 4/1.

  2. Best showcase of coffee items in history!!! Hilarious

  3. Jim Russell says:

    I LOVE the “Backpack Coffee Bean Roaster”. However, I do have a suggestion for a modification directed toward a second offering of this innovative product. Make a model adapted to a Walker for those of us who, though a little older, still enjoy the best and freshest coffee available.

    Jim Russell

  4. Ray Nicholson says:

    It took me just a moment to realize this was surely a funny spoof. With that said maybe you should explore the Coffee IV Drip Kit and the Coffee Bag Tee Shirts as real products. I know two or three nurse and doctor friends who would get a real laugh out of the IV Drips and if the Coffee Bag Tees are offered in size 3 XL Tall you can put me down for three riight now!

    By the way, your FOG LIFTER is a real kick in the early morning fanny. Tastes great, too.

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