Today the Rogers Family Company is making a very drastic change in our business strategy. We are discontinuing our coffee lines and will be making a massive shift in production.
Please stay calm.
We know this is coming as a shock, and you are sure to ask, "what about my coffee?"
While we have enjoyed producing the world's finest coffees, our hearts have been moved by the overwhelming want to be free from tyranny.
Henceforth, we will be exclusively producing, and selling Freedom Clip products in an effort to provide the freedoms each of us truly deserve, but have been denied for too long.
INTRODUCING OUR FIRST LINE OF FREEDOM CLIP PRODUCTS
LIP CLIP - Free yourself from auditory assaults and verbal bombardment. The Lip Clip puts an end to the constant chatter.
(caution - this device may not produce the desired outcome)
CELL PHONE CLIP - Set yourself free from distractions. This clever clip informs as much as it prevents.
EYE CLIP - Coffee has no place in your life once you insert your new Eye Clip. Slips in easily after removing the sterile strip, revealing an eye numbing agent.
(add-ons will include - telescoping lens, polarized lens and more)
PANTS CLIP - Shake the yoke of low-riding pants tyranny. With the Pants Clip, those unsightly boxers will no longer abuse your retinas.
(caution - do not clip a stranger. the result will not likely be in your favor)
BELLY ANTI-FREEDOM CLIP - This clip takes away the freedom of the rising shirt and gives an elegant solution to a pervasive problem. The under belly. Not all freedoms should be granted.
(caution - the Belly Anit-Freedom Clip may cause serious harm when unclipped. Use two-hands, and maintain control at all times)
MESSY EATING FREEDOM CLIP - Free yourself from the unwanted mess handheld foods can create. The eating clip will keep food where it was meant to stay. In your hands.
(caution - do not eat clip)
MOOD WARNING CLIP - This clip comes with interchangeable letters, allowing your Mood Warning Clip to change with you. It's like scrabble for your moods.